


Do Not Disturb

by OfButtsAndBombs



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Die Hard References, Established Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Honeymoon, Married Life, Mild Smut, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 13:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20243842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfButtsAndBombs/pseuds/OfButtsAndBombs
Summary: Jake and Amy are on their honeymoon! But so is their boss...A.K.A Honeymoon of HorrorsA.K.A. Referral Code GINA30A.K.A. Jake and Amy Just Want To Boink But There's An Impediment -





	Do Not Disturb

**Author's Note:**

> _Wearing nothing but you_
> 
> _High on the seventeenth floor_
> 
> _Gimme some, gimme some more_
> 
> _I knew just what to do (Oh yeah)_
> 
> _Dropping my clothes on the floor_
> 
> _Put that "Do Not Disturb" on the door_
> 
> \- Do Not Disturb  
Steve Aoki, Bella Thorne

1\. Day 1, 10 PM

AMY

He's on top of her, pounding into her with abandon. She's trying so hard to stay in the moment, but the waves of pleasure crashing over her keep trying to pull her under; her hands are scrambling for purchase on his broad shoulders, but the sweat and humidity is making his skin slippery, and she can't get a grip - she digs in with her nails, and he hisses, _"Ames!"_ He's spurred on by the sharp pain, and he goes harder, if that's even possible. Amy, who is usually much louder and vocal in bed, is nearly stunned into silence - her body has given up on all and any other functions - _what is the point of breathing, even?_ \- the only sensations she can feel are the the exalting tingles running up and down her _entire_ body, making her feel ecstatic and more alive than she's ever felt before. She could stay like this for her whole life, wrapped in her husband's _(husband's!)_ embrace as he wrings orgasm after orgasm out of her-

But then-

"Jake, baby, what are you doing, don't stop, don't stop!!" Amy whines, squiggling under him to try to get him to move again.  
But he's stopped, still inside her, and he's looking at her with abject horror on his face.

Amy raises a hand to his cheek. "Babe? What is it, what's wrong?"  
And then she hears it- 

A knocking on the door, followed by "Peralta? Santiago? Are you asleep yet? I just found out there is a special class on basket weaving tomorrow, you should go-  
It'll teach you patience and perseverance, and I think Peralta, especially, - "

Jake growls, burying his head in her hair, his hands twisting the sheets below them. Amy bites back the extremely strong expletives that are dancing on her tongue. _He's your mentor, he's your captain, he's your mentor, he's sad, he needs company- _

2\. Day 3, 9AM

JAKE

He's awake, but only barely. The feeling of Amy, his wife Amy, his _very naked_ wife Amy, spread out half over him, is _delicious_ and another level of satisfying. He looks down at her arm laying across his torso. Their beach vacay has tanned her skin a glorious golden-brown (inspite of her rigorous sunscreen application schedule), and Jake is hypnotized by the contrast of her caramel skin against the pale white flesh of his torso, not yet burnt red due to his wife's _(wife's!)_ aforementioned sunscreen application schedule.

She stretches a bit and opens one eye, blinking due to the bright light coming from the open patio door. "Nooooo," she groans and turns away, to the other side, away from the blinding sunlight, pulling the sheets over her head.

He chuckles a bit at her utter preciousness, and turns too, so he's facing her back. He ducks down into the sheets himself.  
The enclosed space smells so much of her, and of sweat and sex, and Jake is _overwhelmed_ by emotion. He traces a finger over her back, her sides, her hip, her neck. He sees she's getting cozy, making tiny, pleased noises that are so dang adorable. Smiling wickedly, he reaches over and squeezes her boobs. She opens an eye to look at him disdainfully, but then she cracks a smile, mirroring his own, wriggling backwards into him so that she's grinding into his pelvis, and they couldn't find a better wake up call if they tried. 

Things are getting a bit hot and heavy and Jake is getting ready to pull off the sheets over them and straddle her, when: 

"Peralta? Santiago? Aren't you awake yet? We were supposed to go to that Couple's Dance Class today. Sorry for entering through here, it was just easier."

They freeze, mid-grind. Jake's hand is still on her left boob. 

"Holt is in the fucking patio!?" Amy brings a shaky palm to her forehead.

"Pretend you're asleep! "Jake whispers to her.

"What if he doesn't leave till we respond?" She squeals. "We're naked! We can't take the sheets off!"

Jake's thoughts go back to the previous night, him and Amy deciding to let Holt join in on their activities, in a bid to cheer him up; them consoling Holt, telling him he wasn't disturbing them at all, and that he could come talk to them _any_ time.

He tries not to squirm too much. "Okay, don't worry, I'll poke my head over the sheets, and -" 

They hear footsteps nearing the bed. Amy's expression turns horrified, but then they hear the room door opening.

Holt calls out, from near the door, "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I'll see you outside in half an hour! I hope you're done with your other activities by then." 

They're not done with 'other activites', but Holt doesn't need to know that.

3\. Day 4, 2PM

AMY

They've been on their honeymoon for 4 days and they've had sex only 3.5 times.

Her honeymoon binder with the cascading tabs is mocking her. Even Charles's Box of Nightmares is mocking her.

Smiling sadly, she tucks the green bikini that she bought for the honeymoon inside her bag. No way she's wearing that when she can run into her boss at any time. 

She's searching for the more modest red bathing suit when Jake rushes into the room, breathless and grinning. 

"Babe! C'mon, let's go!" He grabs her hand and tugs. 

She pulls her hand from his grasp, crossing her arms across her chest and looking at him, a tad suspicious, "What, where? We have the water yoga class in 10 minutes - "

Jake throws her a look. "Ames. Sweetie. You know I love doing all these weird classes with you, but I'm gonna be honest here, I do not love doing then with Holt. "

She has to agree. 

"So, I've made...ummm...alternate plans...is that okay? Some Holt-less plans? Hey - we have to go before he comes searching for us."

"Babe," she chides. "Holt is in pain, we have to comfort him."

"Ames. There's only so many times a person can cockblock us and we let it slide. We're on our _honeymoon! _Also, if it's yoga you want to do, I can show you some stretches." He winks.

His hand is outstretched, his grin wide and inviting.

Smiling, Amy takes it. "Let's go before he sees us," she says, squeezing his palm.

All Amy wanted was her honeymoon to be _relaxing_\- just the two of them, having loads of sex (outside the US, for the first time!) and then lazing in bed, all tangled up in each other, talking about nothing and everything, just enjoying each other's company!

The week after their wedding was crazy: between looking for loopholes in their wedding insurance plan, going out with a different family member every evening- to make up for the rec centre wedding that didn't happen, and managing the precinct with an absentee captain - they didn't exactly get any time to themselves. And then the Posadita Bonita plan had come through, and Amy had stayed up two nights in a row, adding more pages to the honeymoon binder - there was so much to do! And here they were, solving problems instead of sipping Pina Coladas.

All these wistful thoughts are washed away when she realises what Jake's plan is : he'd rented a beach shack for the afternoon - a small hut with, most importantly, four walls and a roof and lockable doors. Hopefully Holt hadn't seen them, and this afternoon would be Jake and Amy and No One Else.

Maybe she should've worn the green bikini after all!

She bites her lip when she enters to find her honeymoon binder on the bed, open at the tab for the letter C. She rubs her hands. They had 23 letters to cover...

In the end, she is glad she didn't wear the bikini. It was too pretty and too expensive to spend most of it's time on a hut floor.

After two mind-blowing hours, Amy gets up to go pee. Jake whines at the loss of contact, but before Amy can reassure him about the many tabs they had yet to cover, her phone rings. 

It's Holt.

She dithers before picking it up. Jake had taken one look at the screen and disappeared under the sheets. She does not want to take that call, but the idea of Holt sitting lonely and sad bothered her and despite herself, she answers. Jake pokes one eye over the sheets. Though she couldn't see the rest of his face, Amy could tell he was trying to give her a disappointed look. She collapses on the bed next to him and runs her fingers through his hair. 

"Hello? Sir?"

"Santiago? You missed the yoga class - or did Peralta misplace the schedule again? Never mind, I'll see you at then beach for the Mexican food festival at 5?" 

"Urmmmm-" 

Amy racks her brains, looking for an excuse, but her mind is otherwise occupied, on Jake, who is currently inching his way up her thighs.

_Holt Holt Holt _

"Santiago? Are you asleep?"

"No, no, not at all, yeah, Jake lost the schedule again, (that earns her a particularly sharp bite, she yelps) so we, umm, we just went to sleep..."

"Really? That seems unlike you-" 

"I was tired...from the... (_What did they do in the morning? Oh, Sensual Food Tasting!!_) feeding and eating..."

Amy lies through her teeth, which are currently gritted to distract her from Jake's fingers slowly working their way to her clit. She squirms, trying to trap his hand and preventing it from moving higher - big mistake - she traps it the wrong (read: _very right_) place and when he twists his wrist, she can't help but gasp. Loudly.

She can't take it anymore.

"Yeah, we'll see you for the...the food thingy at, ummm -_oh god_-six, you said? Okay, cool bye!" 

"I said five! Are you in your room? Do you need me to give you a wake up call?-" 

She disconnects the call, one of the most daring things she's done in her life, and she's been in actual crossfires before- and throws down her phone, wasting no time in straddling her husband.

"Jake Peralta, how dare you disturb my calls. I think you deserve to be punish- "

"Ummm, Ames? I'm sorry, but I could only rent the hut for the afternoon, so we're gonna have to leave, soon."

She wilts and throws her body onto his with a groan. 

4\. Day 5, 11AM

JAKE

He's laughing in his head as he thinks of the Best Miscommunication that had happened between him and Amy.

Having been constantly prevented from having sex, by Holt, who could blame Jake from having sex on the brain, 24x7? They just needed to get it out of their system, maybe a solid 24 - no 48- hours of undisturbed lovemaking. 

He buys two coconut cocktails from the bar, and is rushing to his room, thinking of some fantastic ways to spend the day. He wonders why Amy sent him down to buy the drinks, they could've just asked room serivce, but he figures she has a plan in mind. _(Oh God, if only he knew!) _

Then he meets Holt, who announces his retirement plan, and okay, Jake likes sex, but sex can wait, and his manic captain cannot. Holt had become a father figure to Jake in the past few years, and Jake can do anything to make him reconsider his crazy idea of leaving the NYPD.

No sooner has he entered his room, that he regrets his words.  
Amy, dressed up as _HOLLY GENNERO BUT HOTTER _is staring at him in shock as it dawns on him what exactly he's done, what exactly he's had to sacrifice. 

Teenage Jake and Jake in his Twenties are cursing the hell out of Present Day Jake. 7 year old Jake is kinda confused, but even he knows that spending time with a character out of Die Hard is better than spending time with his boss. 

He tries to persuade Amy to forget about Holt, but that's not happening. He pins Holt down as she ties him up, both of them trying very hard not to think about what those ties should really have been used for. He notes the lube on the side table with a bit of confusion. _How did that get there? _

Teenage Jake is wailing.

When he hears Amy tell Holt off for gatecrashing their honeymoon and calling Jake selfish, he realises the _interference_ has gotten to her just as much as it's gotten to him.(_ Holly Gennero but WAY FREAKING HOTTER!!_)

Later when they go to the Lounge downstairs to regroup, and Holt somehow escapes, and tells them that he'd like to pay for them to extend their stay, he isn't surprised when Amy accepts without a second thought.

_He's_ positively elated. Extra vacation, for free? He'd put up with a mopey boss any day for that! But then he thinks of Amy in that wig and those damn clothes, and he thinks, _Nope.Never missing that chance again._

5\. Day 5, 10PM

JAKE AND AMY 

She looks ethereal in the moonlight. They're taking a post-dinner walk on the beach, her flimsy dress blowing in the wind. She burrows into him for warmth, and he wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her as close as possible for them to walk comfortably. She takes his other hand in both of hers, caressing it slowly. 

"I hope Holt's gonna be okay," Amy ventures. After Holt'd left, they'd strictly avoided talking about him till Amy broached the subject. (To be fair, they'd been busy in their, as Holt so eloquently put it, 'Die Hard Themed Sexcapades', only emerging from their room when the exertion made them ravenous.) 

"Me too," Jake yawns, tugging her closer. She smiles up at him fondly. "These last four days have been a rollercoaster ride. I mean, I love the man, but if he hadn't left, I would have had to take some drastic steps."

Any laughs." Yeah, like you suggested 'we kill Holt' ?" 

"Hey! I just wanted to spend some alone time with you, so sue me!" 

"Awww, babe!" She gives him a teasing grin, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

He shrugs her off, mildly embarrassed. Amy laughs again. "Oh, Peralta, you don't get embarrassed when you think of the wildest things to do during sexy-times but I say one slightly sentimental thing and you're blushing! And you're a married man, too!" 

He looks at her, pulling her towards him and leaning down for a kiss. "Well, we have a whole week to ourselves to work on that issue, don't worry." 

"Worry? Oh, I'm done worrying on my honeymoon. Now on, it's Party Amy all the way!" She lets go of him and does a weird dance-twirl thing, the sand making her go slightly off-balance so she's propelled a few steps backward.

Jake chases after her, laughing. "Babe, if you fall and get hurt, how are we gonna get through letters H to Z! You know I can't wait for N!" 

"Oh, honey, we 'got through'- " She tries to wink at him. "-very well when you were recovering from when I shot you - ain't nothing gonna stop our boinking!" She sing-songs the last part, a habit she's clearly picked up from Jake.

"You know Holt hasn't truly left us, right?" Jake says, catching up to her.

"What d'you mean?" She looks at him, confused, reaching out to grab his hand.

He threads his fingers through hers, squeezing them so he can feel both her rings dig into his palm. _They're married. _ "He's paying for us to be here, so he's always gonna be here in spirit." He shrugs.

He doesn't know how he's expecting her to react, but he truly couldn't predict what she does say -

"Ha! I didn't think of that - he's basically blessed our sex life! Let's show his spirit we're giving him good value for his money, yeah?" 

6\. Day 8, 11 AM

AMY AND JAKE

She's laughing, watching the turtles swim. Her face is glowing, and that gorgeous green bikini is making it hard for Jake to concentrate on anything else. She notices his rather dazed expression and beckons him over. "Babe, come watch this!" 

He smiles as he makes his way towards her, but before he sees what she's trying to show him, he grabs her towards him and pulls her in for a deep kiss, the kind they had avoided doing for the past few days because of _someone_ watching them continuously. 

She smiles against his lips and lets out a sigh, clinging onto him as he observes the sea life with great excitement. She doesn't take her eyes off him, even for a second, nestling as close to him as she can. When he places his hand on her bare back, she can feel the cooler metal of his ring. (_They're married!!!_) It isn't the temperature difference that sends shivers up her spine.

She turns to look at his face when he gasps."Oh my God!!! Ames- AMES! The turtle looked _right at me!!"_

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I cannot write smut, I have discovered this about myself, but I tried...so here's some pre-smut? Some smuttishness? A smutling?  
•This Fandom needs more smut (please)  
• Jake and Amy are HOT  
• I rewatched 6x01 three times for this- basically because any time I wanted to write, my brain would say PROCRASTINATION  
• Holt manages to enter their room via the patio when they're getting their massages in the episode, so I'm guessing their room is on the ground-level floor ??  
• Holt is embarrased and sad and his sense of boundaries is fuzzy  
• The rent-a-shack for half a day thingy is pretty popular in beaches near where I live, so I used that? Hopefully it's a worldwide applicable thing?  
• Yes, Amy obviously files the tabs alphabetically. They may be broken into further subcategories if necessary.  
• THIS B NEEDS A C IN HER A  
• I'd say Jake dragged Amy to watch those turtles, and got so wrapped up in them, and they seemed to like him back too! No one paid attention to Amy, so maybe she got a bit jealous? Hence the resentment when he 'bragged' to captain Holt in the elevator. We love one (1) competitive couple.   
•The title and the opening note is taken from the song Do Not Disturb by Steve Aoki but that doesn't mean I necessarily like it :P
> 
> _THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! Please leave feedback after the beep :D _


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